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Since January, I have noticed how my prayer life has shifted. It’s richer, more personal. It feels more like a conversation rather than rambling a list of requests. Today is one of those days where God wants to challenge me a little bit. I have started to read through Luke 18. It starts with this short parable; in my Bible it’s titled “The Parable of the Persistent Widow”. I jotted down verses Luke 18:7-8,

And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?”

And I as I wrote these verses in my Bible, I realized that there was a part of me that didn’t believe them, not really. I know that it was God pressing that on my heart so that I would ask myself “why”. As I began to explore it, He shined a light on the problem. I know in my head that God loves me. I know by experience that He cares for me. But for some reason, I have a really hard time receiving it. I underestimate the value I have to God. The one who sent His Son to die to restore a relationship with me…why would I doubt that? Why would I think that God loves me enough to die for me, but not enough to listen to me? It seems ridiculous, doesn’t it?

I think there is an explanation. Unfortunately, God is often victim to our projections. Whether it was a bad church experience, or parents, or other negative experiences, we sometimes unknowingly project those onto God. For me, it’s not really understanding what it means to have a Father. I was raised in a single parent home by a strong and independent woman, who taught me to be a strong and independent woman. That sounds great, right? Except when this strong, independent woman has a hard time giving up control to the only One in control. To trust Him to take care of me…that He wants to. It’s a foreign concept.

However, I am so aware of God’s presence in my life that I know that He is challenging me to put Him to the test, to pray the big prayers, and the little ones–the trivial ones. He wants to show me what a good Father He is. It’s crazy to know that I have a direct line to the Creator of the universe. Who wouldn’t take advantage of an opportunity like this?

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