As I mentioned in my previous post, God has been doing some crazy amazing things! But I think in order to really get you to understand what my first half of the first month of the new year has been like, I’m going to have to take you on the journey with me.
Every morning, I wake up at 6 AM, whether it’s a “workout day” or not, so that I can have my quiet time. I usually start by journalling some thoughts, and then I read a passage from the Bible and reflect deeper on it. My journal entry from January 2nd:
I’m already experiencing fear and doubt, which means I’m on the right track. I just have to stay close to God and continue to listen for his voice.
The passage I read that morning from Luke was about the angel appearing to Mary to tell her that she’s been chosen to carry the Messiah. Luke 1:38 says that Mary agreed willingly to this! I think that we get caught up in the idealistic view of the Christmas story, that we don’t realize that in this culture to be pregnant and unmarried would mean her reputation would be ruined, at the very least. Reflecting on this, I wrote:
Mary was willing to be used by God, even though it might mean being shunned from her community, even though it might mean that no one would believe her, and that shame could follow her all her life. But she knew who God is, and believed in the word he spoke. I think focusing on that helped her face what was before her.
God was working hard on me to break down the fears I had about the calling he placed on my heart. Saying “yes” to this calling could mean losing people, it could mean that people won’t believe me. In fact, it would take a couple more days before I actually would say “yes”.
And I’m not sure I was ready for what would happen next.